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of others by reading case studies should be very helpful in starting to learn
the very complex interpersonal dynamics of anger and jealousy. Wile (1993)
describes in an enlightening way the self-talk, especially the criticism and the
defensiveness that causes and exacerbates marital fights. I strongly
recommend Lerner (1985), written especially for women in intimate
relationships. Also, a well-written summary of current research about anger in
several situations, such as in families, friendships, sports, etc., is given by
Tavris (1989). Professionals rate both Lerner and Tavris very highly
(Stantrock, Minnett & Campbell, 1994).
Tedeschi & Felson (1994) theorize about the social interaction aspects of
aggression, e.g. power plays, intimidation, gaining status, getting even, and
so on. Other books written for professionals explore female rage (Valentis &
Devane, 1994), emotional abuse (Loring, 1994), emotional incest (Love,
1992), verbal abuse (Evans, 1993), male violence against women (Koss, et
al., 1994), and treating survivors of abuse (Walker, 1993). Freeman (1990)
focuses more on the childhood origins of anger. Goldberg (1994) believes that
uncovering our anger can increase our capacity for love. Stearns and Stearns
(1986) have written a history of anger, showing the impact of cultural
attitudes; that is another facet of the problem.
Other generally useful self-help books focusing on anger are Potter-Efron
(1994, 1995), McKay, Rogers & McKay (1989), Ellis (1985), Sonkin & Durphy
(1989), Bach & Wyden (1976), Bilodeau (1993), and Weisinger (1985). Elgin
(1994) helps people deal with a verbal abuser and Paymar (1993) helps
abusive men. Friedman (1991) has summarized the connections among
hostility, coping, and health. Similarly, Williams and Williams (1993) have
shown the connection between the "Hostility Syndrome" and heart disease;
they tell you how to reduce your anger (much like this chapter).
Websites and videos about reducing your own
aggressiveness
The Anger Website at (http://www.angelfire.com/hi/TheSeer/anger.html)
provides 50 links to aspects of anger—treatment, self-help, resolving
conflicts, etc. The American Psychological Association offers several
Lynn Namka has over 50 articles about reducing the level of anger and
conflict within a family. They are laced with simple understandable exercises
Out! (http://members.aol.com/AngriesOut/index.htm.)
Research Press in Champaign, IL offers several videos dealing with
anger control: Learning to Manage Anger for teens ($200 or $55 rental),
Dealing with Anger for African American youth ($495), Anger Management for
