Psychological Self-Help

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ejaculate easily but women frequently have trouble climaxing. One
reason for this is that men masturbate by grasping and stroking the
penis with one hand. This is similar to the movements and sensations
during intercourse, so for men masturbation is good training for
intercourse. Women often masturbate in ways that are unlike
intercourse: light strokes on or near the clitoris (48%), vibrator on or
near clitoris (26%), squeezing the legs together (4%), running water
on the genitals (4%), stroking the breasts, having sexual fantasies,
and so on (Masters, Johnson & Kolodny, 1985). (They rarely
masturbate in ways similar to intercourse, i.e. inserting something in
and out the vagina.) If one learns to have a climax in only one way
and if that way is incompatible with intercourse, e.g. by squeezing the
legs together, it may be difficult to achieve an orgasm when having
intercourse with a partner. Thus, many women have to deal with two
problems: (1) having little or no past experience with climaxing via
masturbation and/or (2) having masturbatory experience that doesn't
transfer well to intercourse. Women need to research these matters. It
seems like it would be best for women to learn to enjoy masturbating
by stimulating the clitoris in several ways (unless their religious or
moral beliefs prohibit it). 
There is another aspect of masturbation worth noting. If you marry
a 22-year-old person, who has been a moderately active masturbator,
even though he/she may be a virgin, he/she has already probably had
over 1500 orgasms, each probably with an imaginary sexual partner.
That is quite a sex life (for a "virgin") already. My point is: this sexual
experience may be good--it may reflect a healthy drive and a positive
attitude towards sex. Contrast this "history" with an inexperienced
person who doesn't like to masturbate at all or with another person
who masturbates two or three times a day fantasizing only about
prostitutes. Which of these three "histories" sounds healthiest to you?
It is amazing that researchers and we as a society know very little
about the implications of our past masturbatory-fantasy sex life for
love-making with our marriage partner. This ignorance is another
result of our avoidance of sex, of our moral inhibitions--our sexual
A Forum (1973) advisor claimed that 90% of non-orgasmic women
did not masturbate regularly when younger. For this reason and others
(e.g. fun, healthy, normal, creates a more positive attitude towards
sex in general), several highly respected authors have prescribed
masturbation and even given detailed how-to instructions. If you are
just learning, try Blank (1996) or Heiman, Lo Piccolo, & Lo Piccolo
(1976). If you are a female, try Barbach (1975) or Blank (2000). If
you are a seasoned practitioner, try Litten (1996). Older but still good
references are Comfort (1972), Dodson (1974), Seaman (1972), Ellis
(1974, 1988), and Smith, Ayres & Rubinstein (1973). 
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