enthusiastic, active, and highly responsive small breasted woman is far
more exciting to most males (considered over a period of months)
than a less responsive, big bosomed woman. It's what you do with
what you've got that counts.
The same is true for men's penises. Most penises are about 6
inches long when erect (Purvis, 1992). Size doesn't make much
difference, either in terms of appearance to most women (Fisher,
Branscombe & Lemery, 1983) or in terms of sensation inside the
vagina (Masters, Johnson & Kolodny, 1985). In fact, bisexual women
frequently find sex just as good (often better) with a woman; thus, a
penis is not necessary at all. A 4 or 5 inch penis would do just fine.
Yet, many men are worried about being small. Some misjudge their
own size (penises get more alike as they get erect). But, regardless of
actual size, it is almost always an unnecessary concern. Sexually
sophisticated people know that sexual know how and a loving nature
are much more important than the size of the penis. Unlike men, few
women have been brainwashed into believing that a big penis is
fantastic. Men's emphasis should be shifted from the size of some
sexual part to behaving in a loving, caring, tender way.
Acceptance of sex play
Almost all of us participated in some sex play as children. Only
about 45% to 55% of us say we remember any sex play. Yet, mothers
of 6 and 7-year-olds say 76% of their daughters and 83% of their sons
engaged in sex play, more than half with siblings. But, only 13% of
college students admit any sexual activity with siblings. So why do we
forget these events? Maybe we feel guilty. Maybe we are very young.
Maybe it isn't worth remembering. Sex play among playmates doesn't
ordinarily hurt us. Harsh punishment or criticism--"You are a bad girl
to do something dirty and disgusting like that"--can do harm.
Distinguished from mutual experimentation, about 25% of the time it
is not just sex "play" because force is used, and another 25% of the
time one sibling or playmate is five years or more older than the other
one (Finkelhors, 1981). These incidents become more like sexual
abuse; they certainly can do harm but may not. Homosexual sex play
is also common in children. It doesn't cause us to be homosexuals as
adults but we are likely to feel unnecessarily guilty about it.
These taboos against masturbation, sex talk, and sex play may
cause problems for adults. Examples: Most men, I predict, would like
to have their penis fondled and aroused every day (outside the usual
setting and time for intercourse), but this is seldom done. Most women
would appreciate more affectionate attention to their bodies (outside
the setting for intercourse). Why are these behaviors lacking? After
passing through the infatuation phase, when our hormones drive us to
be highly sexual all the time, we gradually revert back to our early
teachings of taboos and inhibitions (or we just "get used to" our
partner's body). The inhibitions and taboos, both of the fondler and
the fondlee, could surely be unlearned or overcome with a little