Psychological Self-Help

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Accurate observation is necessary to succeed in most areas. But we must remember that
there are two worlds: one we can measure with a stop watch and a ruler, the other we can
only feel and judge within our hearts.
Contrast this with a common male approach: When someone
expresses a new idea or one you (a male) don't agree with, you
immediately start arguing in your head. You try to stay unbiased and
coolly impersonal, if you can, but you question the validity of
everything--"How do you know that?" "Is that logical?" "How reliably
was that measured?" "Aren't some other experimental approaches or
control conditions needed?" "Aren't there exceptions or other
explanations or conclusions possible?" "What are this person's motives
and biases?" This is critical thinking; it is the essence of the scientific
method; you could call it an adversarial or "doubting approach." You
all know this approach; researchers attack each other's conclusions; it
is about all you get in school. In academia it is the only respected way
of knowing. Too bad. Men like the intellectual game. It is like arguing--
trying to find out who is superior. Women frequently dislike this kind of
discourse, believing arguments don't influence anyone's thinking and
reduce intimacy. Some careful thought will surely convince you that
every person needs to use both "ways of knowing." Both are valuable
A discussion is an exchange of knowledge; an argument is an exchange of ignorance.
So, this short review should alert you that when men and women
interact with others, they are very different. These interactional styles
and personal values may be the differences that cause men and
women the most trouble. Let's look at some of the other gender
Society establishes gender roles for men and women
As mentioned above, the different ways of males and females
interacting fit nicely with differences in men and women's value
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