Psychological Self-Help

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female doesn't have a climax or douches with pickle juice or if sex is
done standing up. Wow! People try to make condoms out of Saran
wrap. Men have told women, "I have fantastic control, so don't worry I
won't come inside you." And the ignorance goes on and on. It is sad
that we (parents, schools, and media) have ignored these uninformed
young people. The social-religious taboos keep us from being honest
and teach teenagers exactly how to wisely undertake their sexual
activity (if and when they decide to have sex). The result is they are
unprepared for this critical aspect of life. And, we--the older folks--are
largely to blame. Sex is a very important part of life. Important
enough for young people to learn to take charge of their own lives and
use the knowledge they need for a good life. 
This avoidance of explicit sexual guidance by almost everyone--this
burying our heads in the sand--results in young people feeling that it is
more acceptable if they have sex by "falling in love" and getting
unexpectedly "swept away" by overwhelmingly intense sexual urges.
(This way they can keep their minds pure and innocent--"like good
girls"--as long as possible and avoid the responsibility for what
happens.) But, if they plan for sex (by getting and using a
contraceptive), then intercourse might be considered less romantic
and spontaneous or more sinful. They might even feel "planned" sex is
less loving and more unnatural, cheap, or immoral, sort of like "using
someone for self-gratification." In truth, the most loving sex is when
you avoid unwanted stresses of all kinds, including pregnancies, and
make sex play comfortable, safe, meaningful, and satisfying --one of
life's great moments. These things don't happen without planning and
The most common reasons for not using a contraceptive are "I
didn't expect to have intercourse" (20%) and "I wanted to use
something but couldn't" (8%), according to Zelnik and Kantner (1979).
The same authors report that only 36% of whites and 22% of blacks
had been using contraceptives (obviously only part-time) before their
unwanted pregnancy occurred. Furthermore, while teenagers and
college students are having more sex, they are, in recent years, using
more unreliable contraceptive methods. Fewer are using the pill (37%
of blacks, 15% of whites), about the same use condoms sometimes
(35%) but many more than previously are attempting to withdraw
(13% of blacks, 42% of whites). No wonder there are so many
unwanted pregnancies. Single mothers produce about half of all babies
born in Chicago. 
There are many more situational factors and attitudes that
interfere with good birth control practices. Examples: getting state aid
for having a child, escaping a dysfunctional family of origin by getting
pregnant, trying to find someone to love by having a baby, knowing a
happily married teenager but knowing little about the difficult
experiences of an unwanted pregnancy, believing birth control is racial
genocide, assuming that all a woman can do is raise babies, assuming
your buddies can tell you everything you need to know about sex and
contraception, having intercourse for months before going to a birth
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