Psychological Self-Help

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variety of rape related problems, including one's recovery, which is also the
there is a site that addresses how loved ones might interact with a rape
Sex in a Committed Relationship
Remember, we are marrying later. In 1975, 65% of women had
married by age 25 and 93% by their early 30's. In 1990, only 40% of
women have married by age 25 and only 82% are married by their
early 30's. But we aren't postponing sex until marriage. Between 18
and the middle or late 20's, before marriage we are often involved
with a series of sexual partners in more prolonged and "committed"
relationships. In their lifetime, 55% of men and 30% of women have
had 5 or more sex partners (20% of men and 30% of women have
had only one partner). The sexually active singles are not unhappy
with their lot, only one in three would prefer being married. Indeed, as
long as there are no children, these serious premarital relationships
are something like the early part of a marriage. 
Once started, sex is usually frequent during the first few months of
a sexual relationship. After the intensely sexual beginning, intercourse
gradually declines over the next 2 to 4 years, so that at age 25 or 30,
the average couple, who have been married 5 years or so, make love
maybe twice a week, at 40 it's about 1 1/2 times a week. In a recent
survey, 45% of married couples said they had sex "a few times a
month" and 35% said "2-3 times a week." Yet, the average frequency
of 1 to 3 times per week (for 25 to 59-year-olds) hides big differences
among us. For example, about 12% have sex only "a few times a
year." Even some young couples have sex only once every 2 or 3
weeks. On the other hand, 7% have sex four or more times a week;
rarely is it once or twice a day (Michael, Gagnon, Laumann & Kolata,
1994). Whatever pleases each couple is okay. Quality is what counts,
not quantity. However, for a variety of reasons, men seem to want it
more than women. About 55% of men think about sex every day, only
20% of women do. 
Excluding the extremes, frequency of intercourse tends to roughly
reflect how satisfied the partners are with their sex life (Blumstein &
Schwartz, 1983). For example, 89% of couples having sex 3 or more
times per week are satisfied with their sex life. Among couples who
have sex 1 to 4 times a month, only about 53% are satisfied. Don't
conclude, however, that the way to achieve a better sex life is to
double or triple the frequency. It's more complicated than that.
Overall, about 70% of married couples rate their sex life as being okay
(meaning almost 1/3rd are dissatisfied). If your sex life is very good,
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