her to go "all the way," he calls it a successful seduction; she
considers it a rape or wonders if it was (Warshaw, 1988).
What can be done to avoid date rape? Know the person you go out
with. Ask others what they think of him/her and listen for clues, such
as "he is all hands" or "watch out when she gets drunk." Ask about
and observe his/her drinking habits; 75% of date rape offenders and
55% of victims have been drinking. So, watch how much you drink
too. If you do not want to have intercourse, be cautious about going to
isolated places, do not "lead him/her on" or imply that you are "wild"
or joke about being raunchy or sexually aroused. If you are certain
that you don't want (or that it would be unwise) to have intercourse,
stop the sexual activity early in the process. For instance, while either
person--male or female--has every right to stop the sexual seduction
at any point, it does not make sense to let the male expose your
breasts, take off your panties, and stroke your clitoris, without
indicating clearly from the start that you are not going to have
intercourse. Under the circumstances I just described, it looks to the
male like you, the female, are approving "going all the way." Without
an explanation of why you are stopping at this point and without an
understanding that you will masturbate him or have intercourse with
him later when birth control is available, the male may feel so
frustrated, angry, and confused that a date rape is more likely to
occur. Of course, no rape is ever justified under any circumstances,
but we shouldn't put ourselves into dangerous situations. Even in
these very emotional "hot" situations, we still have to use our brain
and common sense. Of course, many rapes occur even when the
victim has been very cautious. You can lower the risks, however.
If you are ever raped, report it and get medically examined
immediately (see chapter 7--Rape for handling any sexual assault).
Based on a major study involving 150 interviews of women
victims, Warshaw (1994) offers the best self-help information about
how to prevent date rape and how to recover after being assaulted.
Males, too, should benefit from realizing the serious aftereffects of
acquaintance rape; it is not a conquest, date rape is a cruel crime.
Books by Rue (1989) and Jackson (1996) suggest ways of coping with
dating violence and acquaintance rape.
Several Web sites provide good coverage of acquaintance rape and
disrespectful partners; Violence against Women
women gain some understanding of men's ways of getting their way;