Psychological Self-Help

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Ejaculating quickly and intensely could certainly be considered a
sign of potency, rather than inadequacy. But if either partner wants
the female to climax during intercourse with stimulation only being
provided by the penis, then quick ejaculations are a problem, called
"premature ejaculation." Almost all males occasionally ejaculate
sooner than they'd like. Perhaps 20% of males consistently have
difficulty controlling their ejaculation, but only 20% or less of that
group seek help with the problem. It can be changed. 
Several things might be helpful with premature ejaculations: (1)
use a condom to reduce the stimulation, (2) have one or two drinks
before sex, (3) think about other things, (4) ejaculate twice (usually
premature ejaculations are no problem the second time), (5) satisfy
the partner in other ways and, then, both enjoy the male's quick,
powerful climax, (6) avoid deep thrusting by letting the tip of the penis
massage clitoris and play at the opening of the vagina or by leaving
the penis fully inserted and concentrate on rubbing the pubic areas
together (whatever feels good to the female), (7) stop stimulating the
penis before reaching "the point of no return" and relax a moment,
and (8) use the squeeze technique. The latter method involves
squeezing the penis (fingers on top and thumb on bottom) right
behind the head or near the base. This is done just before reaching the
"point of no return" (when ejaculation can't be avoided). A hard
squeeze reduces the urge to ejaculate. In this way the female partner
can teach the male to keep an erection. Masters and Johnson claim a
96% success rate. Kaplan's (1989) self-help book, How To Overcome
Premature Ejaculation, is recommended.
There are other male problems, such as being unable to ejaculate
in the vagina or taking a long time to do so. These are rare but
treatable, usually by a sex therapist. There may be relationship
problems. But, a desensitizing process might be tried first involving
these steps: (1) masturbating alone thinking of your partner for a
week or so, (2) masturbating in front of partner during the next week,
(3) being masturbated by partner for another week or so, and (4)
being aroused by partner to near the point of ejaculation and then
inserting the penis in the vagina. After successfully ejaculating inside
the female in this manner several times, the fears usually disappear.
This procedure is successful in about 75% of the cases (Masters,
Johnson & Kolodny, 1985). 
For more information about the treatment of premature
ejaculations and impotence, call 312-725-7722. Another problem,
sexual addiction, is more common among men than women (see
Carnes, 1991), e.g. over 50% of men think about sex every day (or
several times a day) but less than 20% of women do. General
references are Pervis (1992) and Zilbergeld (1992). 
Updated 5/9/98 
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