Psychological Self-Help

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1056
 
Female problems—difficulty having orgasms and/or little interest
By far the most common female concern is "I find it hard to have a
climax." This may mean many different things: never having an
orgasm in any way, never or seldom having a climax during
intercourse but other ways work fine, being able to masturbate one's
self but not able to climax when stimulated by a partner, being able to
climax only after continuous extensive (45 minutes or more)
stimulation or being unable to predict or understand one's orgasms,
i.e. it is easy sometimes but elusive at other times. It is not known
how many women have had some experiences like these--probably a
high percentage--but it only becomes a "problem" if someone is
dissatisfied. About 10% of sexually experienced women have never
had an orgasm during intercourse, another 10% climax infrequently
with intercourse, another 10% are inconsistent. Actually, only 30% or
40% of women orgasm through intercourse alone, which our
puritanical culture would consider "normal." About half of all women
have trouble having an orgasm. Almost 60% privately say they are
dissatisfied with their husband's sexual performance. To what extent
are males being held responsible for the female's sexual response? 
Note: if you aren't interested and don't become sexually aroused,
then you almost certainly are not going to have a climax. In that case,
please refer to the "lack of interest" in the last section. 
Of course, it isn't necessary to climax during intercourse in order to
be sexually satisfied. There are other ways to achieve an orgasm; in
fact, many (33%) women prefer these "noncoital" orgasms (Hite,
1977). However, if one wants an orgasm during intercourse, most
women need more stimulation than just intercourse, for instance
extensive foreplay or stroking the clitoris during intercourse. There are
two major points: (1) Women should not feel inadequate if they don't
climax every time. For many women (70%), orgasms are not always
necessary (Sarrel & Sarrel, 1980). Sex can be satisfying and
comforting if the woman is "aroused" and experiences the man climax
inside of her (Collier, 1982). Yet, it is a safe bet that sex is better with
an orgasm than without one. Indeed, over 65% of women sometimes
fake orgasms (Butler, 1976), presumably to make the male feel
better. (2) Most women can, with practice, learn to have an orgasm
either during or without intercourse. Becoming orgasmic may take a
little time every day for several days and you may have to deal with
some of your childhood inhibitions, but it can be done and it is worth
it! Fortunately for women, climaxing improves with age (well, up to a
point). There is a lot of interest in female orgasms (Fisher, 1973;
Meshorer & Meshorer, 1986). 
Several successful treatment programs have been developed for
women who have difficulty climaxing (Hutchins, 2000; Fenwick &
Yaffee, 1992; Barbach, 1975, 1980, 1982; Dodson, 1987; Masters,
Johnson & Kolodny, 1985; Heiman, LoPiccolo & LoPiccolo, 1976,
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