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health, helps prevent disease, and lessens our psychological-
interpersonal problems. It is an important skill.
Purposes
To increase your self-awareness. In the process of describing
yourself to others, you get a clearer view of your needs,
feelings, and inner workings. Also, your friend will help you
understand yourself even better, especially if he/she responds
empathically (see method #2) and gives honest feedback.
To develop closer, deeper, more helpful and more meaningful
relationships. Disclosing is reciprocal, as you disclose so does
your friend. As trust develops, both can disclose more and
more. Honest sharing is the basis of true friendship and love
(Bach & Deutsch, 1970; Powell, 1969, 1974).
To develop communication skills that allow us to clearly and
completely inform others about how we see a situation, what
we believe is happening, how we feel about it, and what we
hope or expect to happen.
To reduce a sense of shame or guilt and to increase self-
acceptance. If others can accept you, you will be less harsh on
yourself. If you have done wrong, you may work out a way to
atone.
To resolve conflicts and interpersonal problems. See methods
3, 4, 5, and 7. When others realize your needs, fears,
frustrations and so on, they are more likely to empathize and to
meet your needs.
To get more energy and to be more spontaneous. It takes
energy to keep secrets; you become grouchy, sullen, quiet, and
no fun; this energy could be used in better ways. McKay, Davis
and Fanning (1983) suggest that whenever a conversation
becomes boring, trivial and hard to keep going, look carefully to
see if you are spending your energy suppressing feelings or
other topics.
Steps
STEP ONE: Ask yourself: How disclosing am I? About what? With
whom?
Jourard (1971) used questionnaires for rating how disclosing you
are with different people (lover, parents, best friend, casual friends,
children, co-workers, etc.) on different topics:
personal interests--social activities, what you do for fun, food
preferences, favorite music, TV shows, books, etc.
relationships--how you are getting along with your spouse or
children, who you socialize with, your good or bad relations at
work, etc.
attitudes and opinions--religious views, political opinions,
sexual morals, values, kind of people you like and dislike, etc.
