others frequently don't work, our defenses go up and our denial works
To see the problem--
What makes you think this is a problem?
What difficulties have you had related to this problem?
How have you been harmed by this problem? Have others been
What things might happen if you continue doing this?
Do you have lots of reasons why you don't want to change this
To clarify your feelings--
How do you feel about this problem? How strongly do you feel?
What worries you about the future if you don't make a change?
How concerned are you?
How do you feel about yourself and your unwillingness to
change up until this point? or
How do you feel about getting into this situation and not
getting out before now?
To determine if you are really interested in changing--
Can you summarize your reasons for making a change?
What reasons are there for remaining the way you are? (pay
offs for the "problem" behavior)
Considering the pro and cons, how strongly do you want to
What is keeping you from making a firm, specific commitment
to changing right now?
To see how optimistic or pessimistic you are about making
the desired changes--
If you decide to try to change, how confident are you that you
could do it? (Give your reasons)
Do you have some ideas about how to make the changes? Will
you need any help?
Have you read about self-help methods for changing? or about
therapies for changing?
Do you know other people who have made these changes?
When will you start?
The idea is to maximize in your mind the gap--the distance--
between changing and staying the same. The greater the advantages
of changing, as you see it, the greater your motivation. This is a
crucial start. Reading more about your problem and its development,
hearing more about other people solving a similar problem, and
learning more about various methods of attacking the problem should