Psychological Self-Help

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Current thinking is that people have these conflict resolution
Avoiding or denying the conflict. Such a person hopes the
problem will go away. Usually it doesn't. So, this is a bad
approach. But many people take it. Do you? 
Many prefer to give in rather than fight. Why? Sometimes they
are being a martyr, sometimes scared, sometimes seeking
appreciation, etc. In any case, this is another bad approach,
because it is unfair, it generates no creative solutions, and
usually such an accommodator remains very unhappy. 
Some people get mad and blame the other person. " You
ignored my authority" or "You are totally unfair" or "You've hurt
me and I want to get even," etc. Such a conflict becomes an
ugly battle in which they must "get their way" and win at any
cost (like in a divorce settlement). This is also a terrible
approach because it stops all constructive thinking, is unfair
(deceitful, threatening, chauvinistic), and produces lasting
hostility. Kottler (1994) helps such people learn to avoid
Other people appear to seek a compromise, i.e. find some
middle ground and "work out an agreement." That would be
wonderful, if it were entirely true, but sometimes a part of this
approach is subtle but deftly trying to win more ground than
your opponent. The objective becomes trying to prove you are
clever or slick. Thus, political or social pressure,
misrepresentation, threats-with-a-smile, and so on may slip in,
rather than simply seeking an optimal solution for both sides. 
A few people can control their anger, competitive, and I-give-
up feelings and genuinely seek an innovative, fair, optimal
solution for both parties. Take this creative, integrative
approach if you can. 
It isn't easy to be rational during a conflict. Moreover, it may seem
very unlikely that an aggressive person would give up a chance to take
advantage of an avoider (style 1) or an accommodating person (style
2). Yet, in the long-run, the aggressive person would probably be
better off if he/she worked out a fair arrangement, especially if they
had an ongoing relationship. In many situations, where there will be a
continuing relationship, you can find better solutions to today's specific
conflict and also build much better long-lasting working and loving
relationships by learning the principles of constructive conflict
Of course, there are many conflicts in which openness, empathy,
and creativity are just not part of the process, such as buying a car,
returning an unsatisfactory purchase, or win-lose labor-management
negotiations. The salesperson wants a high price and you want a low
price; the two of you bargain and compromise, then you may never
see each other again. The union wants high wages, the company
wants low wages, a settlement is reached and the negotiators never
see each other again. Many times the two people or groups are too
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