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A shelf full of self-help and how-to-be-successful books emphasize
positive thinking (memories, self-evaluations, and expectations) and
refusing to let the negative thoughts drag you down (Dyer, 1976;
Lazarus, 1984; Maltz, 1970; Stone, 1962). For example, Lazarus cites
Dorothy Susskind's method called ISI--Idealized Self-Image. The idea
is this: if you repeatedly picture yourself having the traits and skills
you want to have (including the ability to change), you will keep
working on self-improvements and gradually come closer to your ideal
self. Thus, a scared person can imagine doing whatever is frightening,
a quiet person can imagine expressing opinions and telling stories, a
golfer can imagine hitting the golf ball straight, and so on. Fantasies
will help but success requires practice, practice, practice and DOING
SOMETHING.
There are some rather spooky notions expressed in this area, e.g.
tell your unconscious lies--positive lies--and it will believe you and
work to make you this way (Helmstetter, 1986). Thus, a worrier might
say, "I don't worry. I solve problems quickly, then relax and enjoy
myself." A severe self-critic could recite, "I am special and unique. I
like myself. I am confident, fun, wise, interesting, loving and good." A
procrastinator would repeat, "I carefully plan my time and follow my
schedule. I'm full of energy; I never goof off or put off tough jobs."
There is no evidence whether self-statements such as these work or
not. Obviously, it takes more than fantasy to be a top sales person; I
want my surgeon to have more training than how to say "I'm really
great with a scalpel." But, probably ideas do precede action in most
cases.
Mental health professionals did not consider any book very helpful
in building self-esteem (Stantrock, Minnett & Campbell, 1994). My
students find two books, besides McKay & Fanning, especially helpful:
Johnson (1986) and Briggs (1986). Additional useful books are Burns
(1993) who has a 10-day self-esteem building program, Wegscheider-
Cruse (1987) who stresses self-acceptance, Gardner (1992) who
focuses on children's self-esteem but is more for therapists, Palmer
(1989) who addresses teens and young adults, and two good books by
Branden (1983, 1994) who is a recognized scholar in this area.
Johnson (1986) emphasizes doing your own self-evaluations and
weaning yourself away from others for your self-esteem. Also, stop the
senseless collection of negative comments about you by others and
stop comparing yourself unfavorably with others. A recent book
(Bednar & Peterson, 1995) found low self-esteem in many disorders;
they focus on getting their clients to attack their problems with coping
skills rather than just liking themselves better. Three other books,
Truchses (1989), Sanford & Donovan (1984), and Bepko & Krestan
(1990), address the problem of low esteem in women as related to our
culture's demands that women be self-sacrificing and of service to
others. Cash (1995) helps people get a better body image. Lastly,
Taubman (1994) has attempted to go deeper than curtailing the
internal critic and accentuating the positive. He calls it developing
"deep confidence" based on knowing yourself and your psychological
history very well.
