Psychological Self-Help

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Chapter 9: Understanding Ourselves and Our Relationships
   Theories of Personality
       Ancient theories about personality types--Enneagram
       Modern theories—Myers-Briggs and Jungian types
       Other personality types
   Understanding the Parts of Our Personality
       Parts: Child (id), Parent (superego), Adult (ego)
       Keeping the parts in balance
       Other parts and motives—Jung, Adler, Allport
   Theories of Development: Becoming a Person
       Table 9.1: Stages of development
   Personality Involves Relationships with Oneself and Others
       Transactional Analysis and life positions
       Life Scripts
       The notion of human needs
   Psychiatric Diagnoses
       Adjustment disorders
       Personality problems
   Traits of a Mature, Self-Actualizing Person
   Self-Understanding Can Come in Many Ways
       Getting to know your inner child
       Let the parts of your personality speak for themselves
       Reading for self-understanding: Bibliotherapy
   Relationships with Others
       Why are relationships with others important?
       Why are so many relationships unhappy?
       The “games” we play with others
       Put downs of others
       Put downs of one’s self
       Ego-boosting games
       Summary of games and how to stop them
       Other self-deceptions: Excuses and self-handicapping
       People—our closest loved ones—cause our problems and provide relief
       Sources of help: Friends, family, self-help groups, therapists
   Relationships within the Family
       The family
       Child care—useful references (and a little history)
       Problems within the family (Satir)
       Increased child-care role for fathers
       How psychological problems begin (parent blaming?)
       The causes and results of alcoholism and abuse—clinical vs. research
       Alcoholism, neglect and abuse
       Do abused kids become abusing parents?
       Child sexual abuse (CSA), incest
       Web sites about sexual abuse
       The effects of traumatic early experiences and poor parenting
       Table 9.2: Possible outcomes of possibly harmful childhood experiences
   Common Interpersonal Problems and Skills Needed
       Fear of approaching someone
       Handling the first few minutes
       Becoming a good conversationalist
       People addicts and people haters
       Self-disclosure and self-acceptance
       Misunderstandings—checking out your hunches
       Empathy responding
   Sustaining Long-Term Relationships
       Why can’t we communicate?
       Being “taken for granted”
       Resolving conflicts
       Control of and by others
       Unconscious controlling of others
       How to handle difficult people
       Driving each other crazy
   Competition and Feeling Superior to Others
       Gender differences in values, purposes, self-esteem, and orientation
       Competition vs. cooperation (values)
       Early developmental differences between boys and girls
       Male aggression and female loss of self-esteem
       Differences between men and women in conversation
       Women’s ways of knowing
       Society establishes gender roles for men and women
       Gender roles for women
       Gender roles for men
       More male-female differences
       Learning our gender roles: What do we want and expect of each sex?
       Misunderstandings between men and women about roles
       Chauvinism as a nation
       Chauvinism as parents and in child care
       Chauvinism in schools
       Chauvinism at work
   Selected References for Understanding Relationships

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