Psychological Self-Help

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COA's learn three rules: "don't trust, don't talk, and
don't feel." COA's are twice as likely to use alcohol and
four times as likely to use drugs. Female COA's are
prone to fears, depression, marital problems, and
problems with children.
Father with Criminal Record: Antisocial.
Reaction as a
Child or as an (fighting and lying).
Criminal tendencies. If the child or teenager also sees
parent as rejecting, uncaring, and hateful towards
him/her, he/she is more likely to be aggressive
Childhood Ambivalent Parent(s): Say one thing and act another
Experience: way: "I love you" but seems indifferent, "I'm your
Mom-Dad" but acts like a buddy or a lover.
Reaction as a
Child or as an
Confused, can't form close relations. Identity crisis,
unsure about how to feel with others, may withdraw
and become apathetic, thinking may be mixed up.
Experience: children in college daily, "best friends," become very
Overly Involved Parent(s): Continues to contact
upset when 18-20 year old child decides to live
different life-style, e.g. use drugs occasionally, have
sex, marry into another religion, and even refuses to
move home after college.
Reaction as a
Child or as an pursue goals that upset the parent but keeps parent
Adult: well informed, or may have no goals of his/her own.
Dependency, guilt, rebelliousness. Enjoys parent's
attention and worry, afraid to not contact or deceive
parent, lets parent direct his/her life, or may carefully
Experience: parent's source of love; thus, lavishes attention on the
Emotionally Seductive Parent(s): Child becomes the
child. It becomes an abuse "that feels good" but the
love dominates the child's life.
Reaction as a
Child or as an depreciation, eating disorders, addictions, poor love
Adult: relationships. (See Love, 1991.)
Depression, addictions, poor relations. Child struggles
to escape but it is hard or impossible to find a better
lover than Mom or Dad. Leads to depression, self-
Experience: many traumas: hearing fights, seeing abuse, being
Parents with a Bitter Divorce: Divorce may involve
abused, losing daily contact with one parent, having to
move or live at a lower standard, being exposed to
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